It was the end of another long day. The pain was excruciating and he longed for nothing but sleep. As he trudged back to the comfort of the tent, he watched the animals prowling in their cages restlessly. Mobo the tiger in particular kept growling until he was silenced by a hard painful jab by Mr Dunbar.
" Oye!! What are you looking at? Fancy the same treatment? Go to your tent NOW!" yelled Mr Dunbar as he saw KK staring at him. Controlling his impulse to indulge in a wisecrack, KK gave Mr Dunbar a fake deferential bow and jogged to his tent.
It had been around the same time last year when KK had been accepted grudgingly into the circus by Mr Dunbar. " Two meals a day and a place to sleep is all that I can give you" he said. KK who was as tall as Mr Dunbar's legs did not really think he was in a position to refuse this offer, however stingy it seemed. He nodded his head silently. "It is not like I really want you here." said Mr Dunbar. That makes two of us thought KK as he made his way into his new home.
One year hence, he had become used to the drill of the circus. It was the first few days that were the hardest. Owing to his unnatural height, KK seemed to be the perfect dwarf for the circus. As much Mr Dunbar denied that the circus could do without a dwarf, KK realised that his dwarfish personality had ensured that he would not be thrown out of the circus for the time being. From walking on the tightrope with a stick in his hand to performing somersaults in mid-air, KK had to master all the antics that made him the lead 'clown' of the circus.
His mastery of antics did not come for free. His body bore the bruises and the burn marks of the cigarette that Mr Dunbar used on his skin quite too often for erring during practice or during a performance. The one thing that lifted KK's spirits however was that he did not have to suffer alone. Every person in the circus bore the marks of Mr Dunbar's cigarettes.Mr Dunbar seemed too derive some orgasmic satisfaction every time he struck someone with his hot cigarettes and watched them wince in pain.
Today however when KK looked back at all of that, he did not know whether to feel good or bad about what had happened. He had to discontinue his studies. " Gypsies like us need no studies, we only need to entertain the elite. Understand Little One? " remarked Miss Rosemary the trapeze artist at the circus.
As he snuggled into the bed that he had to share with his fellow clowns Andy and Ryan, he stared at the painting of the bird that hung on the wall opposite to their bed. This was the only thing he had inherited from his parents. Nothing else. He did not even know his name. He had responded to the name KK and much to his consternation realized that, KK was the name of the circus's ape which had just died a few days before his arrival to the circus.
And suddenly without warning, tears filled his eyes. The feeling had kept gnawing his insides for quite a while now. 'The Dwarf from Nowhere' they called him. That is what he was. No past, no future and a very muddled present. The tears kept coming. Hard and fast. "Who am I??Why do I have to be a clown?? Why do I need to make people laugh?" he shouted in a voice that sounded more desperate than angry.
Almost as a reply to his heartfelt plea, the lights in the tent went out. The painting of the bird shone more brightly in the dark as if to remind him that he wasn't alone. And then an unearthly voice whispered into his ears " Who said you were alone?"
" Who are you?? I can't see you!" exclaimed KK who's voice clearly did not attempt to betray the fear that enveloped his heart.
"You will see me eventually KK. For now I need you to understand why I am here. Close your eyes first KK" said the voice which sounded genial unlike the voices at the circus.
KK closed his eyes and suddenly he felt the world around him rotate. And all of a sudden he was on stage walking the tightrope. Watching him were thousands of clowns who clapped and jeered as KK walked the tightrope perfectly.
" Why are there no real men and women there? Have I accidentally gatecrashed into a congregation of clowns?" mused KK. "Hahahaha! This is just the beginning of our journey together KK. That's enough for tonight, lets get back to your tent" said the same unearthly voice.
"What in the world was that about?" exclaimed KK . " That was reality KK" said the voice.
" You think you are the only clown in the world who has no idea of who he is or where he is going? If you thought that, then you know nothing as yet KK. The only thing that separates you and the rest of them is that you are branded as a clown while the rest are still under the delusion that they know themselves and that their actions are perfectly in sync with the kind of people they are. Basically they are clowns too, just that they cannot do the somersaults that you do in mid-air or walk the tightrope like you" said the voice now teasingly.
"But all of this was a dream! This wasn't real! Why have I never seen this before? And why can I not see you as yet?" said KK who now sounded scared.
" What is one man's reality is often another man's dream isn't it KK? You did not see this until now because the time wasn't right. You are now ready to understand the mystery that has been enveloping your human race for far too long now. Speaking of which I think it is time I take your leave for now. I will return again tomorrow night KK. For your mornings would be spent living a life that is not yours because you would be existing for others by posing as clown which you aren't. Night is when I will show you who you really are." said the voice.
"Wait!! What mystery is this? How will I know that all of this actually happened?" shouted KK.
No reply.
Almost instantly the lights in the tent returned. A split second later the bird in the painting shed a feather that landed neatly into KK's lap. Engraved behind the feather were the words " The Phoenix has arrived. "
Placing the feather carefully under his pillow, KK closed his eyes and said " Good Night Clown".
To be continued....
